It seems like I am constantly reading about how each generation of children is getting fatter then the previous one despite the catchy commercials with professional athletes urging children to get off the couch (we can talk about the irony of a television commercial filled with celebrities asking kids to turn the television off and go outside and play another time). I blame the nacho cheese machine. More specifically, the nacho cheese machine in my little sister’s high school cafeteria. Don’t get me wrong, these kids still have their ridiculous metabolisms and can probably break into a dead sprint seconds after eating a Big Mac. My concern is that they are developing an addiction to the bright yellow goodness that is artificial nacho cheese. To give you a better idea of what we are dealing with here, it is a giant machine with a pump for dispensing a dainty portion of cheese, say to complement nachos, and a conveyor belt on which you can place any food item and have it actually drenched with nacho cheese. Either option, be it a single pump or total coverage, is the same price. Which option do you think these kids pick? Not only that, but you only get charged for “visible” nacho cheese. As a result, an entire generation* is passing food through the conveyer belt and then turning it upside down so they don’t have to pay anything for their crack cheese. Recent victims include fried chicken sandwiches, grilled cheese, lasagna, and mashed potatoes with gravy. Why would anyone want to cover lasagna with nacho cheese? I’ve been told it’s simply because they can. I can’t entirely blame them. Once, I got a free coating of nacho cheese on my french fries at Blackhawks game and I still talk about it like I won a free car.
But I would never cross the sacred line between foods that have gravy on top and foods that have cheese. Partly because I’m an adult and partly because I have learned my lesson the hard way after a bad experience with a KFC famous bowl. We simply can’t expect teenagers to exercise control when faced with an adversary like hot nacho cheese. Unless we want to live in a world where the butts are so large that chairs will all be replaced by booth’s from Denny’s, we need to get rid of the nacho cheese machine. Let these kids start making their wildly bad food decisions when they go off to college and there are immediate consequences for their actions…Say about 15-20 pounds worth.
* Okay, and by generation I mean teenagers in one high school in Illinois.
** Writers note: shortly after writing this piece I got a series of distraught text messages from my sister. Apparently, they took the nacho cheese machine away as a result of the huge clumps of hair that were found inside of it. The kids did not care about the hair and are demanding the return of their beloved cheese dispenser. Yuck.
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